An Unusual Family
by The Mistress of Nature
Summary: Lizard saves children for the Test Village family... some most likely disturbing times are bound to ensue. How's Lizard gonna cope with kids, even when they grow up? Extreme AU. Surprise pairings in the future! :D
1. Starting a Family

**Okay, so I deleted all my old HHE stuff, and now I'm starting anew with a completely different approach. Something I may be better working with, definitely more controversial (after all, what good is a Hills fic if you don't inject it with controversy until it vomits?), and something way more fun/less childish than before. Also, this one's gonna be much more Lizard-centric than my old stuff. Hope y'all like it...**

**One last thing: this is EXTREMELY AU. Pretty much the only similarity to the movies are the characters and the basic attitudes and workings of the HHE characters. Theirs ages and most everything else will be much different. You'll see why as the fic procedes. Now go on. Read. You know you want to. **

There had never really seemed to be a point in saving any of the stupid, naïve norms for much more than another day's lunchtime. The old man working out at that gas station was more than capable of finding more and more for them, and as of late, there had been at least 2 vehicles per week rolling towards Jupiter's happy little family in the silent, dusty hills of New Mexico. No reason at all to save a single one of their unintelligent and unwary squishy bodies except for food.

But now? Oh, now Jupiter was starting to think about repopulating the family, making a sort of clan that could rival the size and productiveness of that of Hades' group. Lizard wasn't too stoked about the idea, though. Hell, the small, ill-tempered man had just about thrown a fit proportional to those of Pluto's nightly tantrums when Papa Jupiter had announced that they would be saving a handful of humans for reproduction's sakes. There was no point! Papa Jupiter had just about snapped Lizard's spine in two when he began swearing and throwing things around the communal house and had almost hit Big Brain with the leg of a chair. Big Mama had begun to cry, too, wanting the anger to stop and for the family to agree on _something _for once. Pluto had giggled stupidly.

So that was that. Lizard was to personally pick (with the help of the wise and mighty Pluto and Goggle… the shit heads…) two females and one male from the next few weeks of prey. They were to be, as Papa Jupiter has stated so eloquently, "A good age for fuckin', pretty in the face, and healthy in the body." AKA: he wanted a tiny group of beautiful and fertile people. Yeah, because they always went travelling through the middle of nowhere in dusty Oldsmobile's and twenty year old trailers that stank of shit and cigarettes. Beautiful people a_lways _travelled like that.

There was a reason, Lizard thought bitterly as he fingered the walkie-talkie strapped comfortably to his palm, that Jupiter wasn't the one out on these hunting trips. He may be big and the most dominant fucker of the Test Village, but he wasn't exactly the most knowledgeable when it came to people. Norms were stupid, ugly cock-suckers who tended to eat too much, sleep too much, and cry too much. Nothing attractive about the lot of them. Well, nothing but the easily accessible orifices of the women, which Lizard wasn't exactly picky about.

"Seen anythin' yet?" Lizard had gotten bored and sent out the terse question to Goggle via the walkie-talkie in hopes of a positive answer. Pluto was sitting contentedly next to him, looking very fascinating with the backs of his hands and very happy to be near his favorite mutant, Lizard. The smaller man, on the other hand, wished Papa Jupiter hadn't assigned the stupid lug to be his chaperone of sorts on this 'Save The Humans' venture. He was perfectly capable of keeping a few stupid people alive.

A rush of static screamed at lizard for a moment before Goggle's barely understandable growl responded, "There's one pretty far out right now. Just started driving out our way from the station; old man seemed to have a hard time with this group."

Lizard sighed, and rolled his eyes, "A hard time, how?"

"Well, they's got a baby with 'em, which is unusual, and twin girls no older than five years. I don't think he likes sending up babies and children to us."

Pluto perked up at the words 'babies' and 'children', his eyes darting up to look at Lizard's walkie-talkie as he cooed, "Baaaaaaby?"

"Yeah, shit-head, there's a baby with these'uns," Lizard snorted, knowing full well how much of a dumb fascination Pluto had with the little fuckers the norms raised to fear anyone different than them. He personally hated babies and their adorable little faces with their big, staring eyes and grasping hands. They were pointless little creatures until they were big enough to talk, and even then, the conversations were about as stellar as talking to Pluto when the big ol' lump was sleepy.

"Keep… baby?"

Again, Lizard sighed, but he was in a good enough mood with the approach of food to indulge the brainless muscle mass, so he sent out a signal to Papa Jupiter's walkie-talkie, "Hey, Papa, whatchya think of raising the baby as our own along with capturing a few breeders?"

"I don't think that's such a—" Goggles began quickly, but his unintelligible voice was overpowered by Jupiter's booming bass.

"Whatever you think is best, Lizard," he said in a condescending tone tinged with warning. There was no way Jupiter was going to let Lizard live if he fucked up anything to come… and rescuing a baby seemed to be borderline fucking up to Papa Jupiter. But Lizard knew the old, lazy shit would appreciate some more youth beside Ruby, and it would keep the girl out of trouble by taking care of the little norm. "Whatever you think best."

Lizard had no idea what the hell was going through his brain to put his own ass on the line for the sake of the dummy sitting next to him and the annoying young girl back at the Village who Lizard secretly thought deserved better than a life with the fucked up assholes back home. Maybe it was the unusual, small amount of cloud cover that stopped Lizard from getting a headache that afternoon, or maybe he was just getting soft. Either way, he hoped such a moment of charity for other wouldn't happen again.

Just when the small man thought that Jupiter was going to ignore them for the rest of the day's hunt, his voice boomed from the old, batter speaker once more, "Save the twins as well if you're planning to save the baby. No need to waste children; if we plan to raise one, why not three?"

Again, he was condescending, and Lizard could clearly hear the mocking leer that was on the big man's face. Lizard glanced at Pluto to see if he was still paying attention, but the man had gone back to examining his hands and giggling stupidly from time to time at the pure fascination of them. The sudden urge to push Pluto from the top of the hill and watch him roll clumsily down the slope was almost overwhelming. "Yeah, sounds like a great idea, Papa Jupiter," he replied dryly, wishing he had never asked the question about the baby in the first place.

When Jupiter's talkie crackled out of the conversation, Lizard could hear Goggle's laughter on the other end. It was a sort of gasping hack that only members of the family could discern as laughter instead of the sounds of a man choking wetly on something gross.

"What're you laughing at, dick face?"

"Seems you just roped yourself into taking care of a norm baby and its twin sisters!" He hooted almost too growl-like for even Lizard to understand.

"Why you little shit… I'm gonna come over there an—"

"Oh, shit!"

"What? Afraid now, Goggle, that I might just be able to slice yer—"

"Shut up; they're comin' your way now, dumbass. You better have your traps set out for 'em in a matter of minutes or you'll miss 'em!"

That dumb fucker. Lizard growled at the talkie before switching it off and running down the hill smoothly and laying out his spike strip across the road, readying it in record time for the vehicle's coming. If Goggle had been paying any attention to the road instead of the tense conversation snippet before him and Jupiter, then maybe he would have had time to do more than just the spike strip, and there would have been less chance that the whole plan would get fucked up, and… oh, hell. Nothing could be now.

With a few choice words mumbled angrily beneath his breath, Lizard scrambled back up the hillside and dragged Pluto into hiding with him, just past the crest of the hill. They only waited a matter of minutes, but it felt like hours to the irritable Lizard. In his approximately twenty-two years of existence, no wait had felt so damn long. Finally, the car came around the corner, it's faded red paint coated with a thin sheath of tan dust and the inhabitants, a middle aged couple in the front with three small children in the back, looking very tired. Perfect.

Their car, Lizard could recognize most of the older models by their undercarriages once they crashed and almost always rolled in the process of the driver's panic, was some early 80's Ford Tempo that looked to have a frequent oil problem. Once the car came to a screeching halt, its tires sadly still in contact with the dirt, Lizard watched as the man and the woman stumbled out of the car. The woman's head was bleeding, and the man seemed incapable of walking straight without stumbling.

Putting all doubts about saving children for the Village aside, Lizard sneaked over the hill and came to a silent rest halfway down the side closest to the unhappy little family. He sat with his arms crossed and resting on his knees as he watched Pluto approach the couple and their children. They always did it this way as of late; Lizard would watch while Pluto took out the strongest one(s) of the group, and then the younger man would leave his perch on the hill and take care of the weaker members with some help from his lumbering companion. Pluto was always more than happy to be the first to dispatch anyone, feeling important every single time, no doubt. And the people were never smart enough for Lizard to rush down and stow away his spike strip before they went looking for the object that murdered their tires.

The woman—he assumed she was the mother, though she looked a bit old to be giving birth to a baby anytime in the recent past—had ushered the children from the back seat into the warmth of the New Mexico air. The man, the father, was checking the engine and the tires. When he had finally realized that the tires of the family car were shredded, and that there was literally _no _way the flatness of the desert road could have done such splendid work on his newest investment in the family vehicle… well, that's about as far as the revelation got.

A loud crack that Lizard was sure even Papa Jupiter could hear from his home miles off resounded from the man's neck as Pluto snapped it like a toothpick. The smaller mutant grinned as he heard a gleeful laugh escape Pluto's mouth at the loud and rather fulfilling sound of a broken spine. Once the screams from the woman, and then from her children since they didn't understand what was going on, began Lizard scrambled down the hill with a grin on his face.

She didn't even try to run. Just stood there as the mountain of a man looked at Lizard, who knew that he undoubtedly looked like some short, deformed old man to her stupid eyes. That made his grin widen to the point of pain. He scooped up his spikes gently, disarming and subsequently draping them around his shoulders and torso carefully, never making eye contact with the shrieking woman inevitably staring at him.

Lizard clapped Pluto on the shoulder for the clean break to the man's neck; it was one of the prettiest jobs the smaller mutant had ever seen the older, clumsier fellow do, and Lizard was never one to bypass praising the shit head for things he wanted to see happen again. "Well done, ol' boy! Couldn't have done it better myself," he stared at the body on the ground, the neck's angle making the man look like he was resting his head on his shoulder as he lay there. It was almost… artistic.

The screams suddenly lowered in intensity as the woman quieted herself, her children following suit like tiny, wool-free lambs. Only the baby continued crying, it's little round face as red as it's hair. Though Ruby was just a tyke herself and hadn't exactly come to calling anything her favorites, Lizard was quite sure she'd like the little bastard. She liked red things, and that baby. That baby was the personification of all things red and baby-like.

"Now, ma'am," Lizard began as he approached slowly, spreading his arms wide to show that he wasn't overtly bearing any weapons, his blue eyes large and faking innocence, "I'm gonna need you to calm down and hand over your young'uns. We ain't gonna hurt 'em, cross my heart and hope to die."

"Y-you… you k-k-keep away from my children… you… you _monster!_" She yelled, her voice breaking and sounding hysterical as she hugged the baby tighter to her chest and pushed her twin girls behind her legs. They began wailing as well, causing the woman's frenzy to heighten. Her eyes darted everywhere as she stood there, probably searching for an escape or a shelter. No tears at her husband's expense had begun to even accumulate yet.

"Now, I'm thinkin' that monster's a bit too harsh a word for me," Lizard said conversationally, slowly lowering his arms to link behind him loosely, secretively motioning at Pluto to approach as well, "Now my friend here, he might take offense to ya insulting me so harshly… so I'mma give you a chance here, ma'am."

He waited to see if she would respond, which she dutifully did, not even noticing Pluto slowly moving behind her and the children to wait for a signal from Lizard, "A-a chance?"

"Mmm-hmm, a chance. Now. Ya can A) hand over them kids and apologize to me or, B) run with those children a'yers and see how far ya get before we catch and skin ya. Yer choice," he purred, enjoying the separate states of horror crossing her visage in alternating patterns. He lifted his arms to cross the forearms behind his neck, letting his elbows point to the sky in a deceptively carefree and defenseless manner.

The signal of relaxed waiting on Lizards part let Pluto know exactly what to do. Swift as a rattlesnake, his large hands reached out and planted themselves on her head, one on the back of her hair, the other covering her face (but not her frightened eyes, Lizard noticed with a sort of gleeful malice) and twisted her head quickly to the side. The cracking wasn't as satisfying as the break on the man, but this one wasn't a killer blow. It was the paralyzer. Pluto kept her body upright by holding her skull on each side of her head, twisting it painfully back to look at the approaching Lizard.

"Didn't decide quickly 'nough, ma'am," he chuckled, tapping her on the nose with a single grimy finger, "Otherwise we woulda letchya go, mindin' you left these children here with us. Seems like yer gonna have to just watch an' see what we do next…"

When Pluto and Lizard returned to the village that evening, they were greeted by the entire family in the communal house. The look on Papa Jupiter's face let Lizard know that he had let _everyone _know about Test Village's hard-ass saving a baby and two tiny girls from being eaten. Fucker. Lizard had been hoping that the bastard would have had enough respect for him to not be such an irritation, but apparently such brittle confidence in the man couldn't even be had.

Ruby, her little six-year-old body barely larger than the twin girls, stepped away from the protective grip of Big Mama and approached the little girls standing behind Lizard. The small, prematurely greying man had been thankful that they had been so willing to follow him once he had the little baby in his arms and Pluto had their parents flung over each shoulder. They were almost cute following him dutifully and silently on the 4 mile trek home, though now they looked exhausted and frightened. Their baby sibling hadn't made a sound the entire journey, except to yawn occasionally and smuggle into Lizard's warmth. The mutated girl smiled crookedly at them, "Hi! What're your guys' names? I'm Ruby and I'm six!"

Though tired and disturbed by the large group of unknown people, the girls answer quietly with the names Hannah and Kimberly, and the ages of four years (that part was answered with fingers being held up dutifully and the beginnings of half-smiles on their faces). Ruby seemed to approve of the names and smiled even wider, showing off the gap where one of her baby teeth had fallen out within the past week, "And what's your baby's name?"

They replied in unison: Jonathan.

With a giggle and happy glint in her overly large brown eyes, Ruby turned to Big Mama, "Can I go outside and play with Hannah and Kimberly, Mama? We won't go far."

Big Mama nodded her consent after looking for approve from Papa Jupiter, and Lizard heard Ruby chattering away to the quiet girls as they went outside… something about being best friends and playing with dollies and such. Lizard wanted to smile at the sound of Rub being so happy, but he didn't dare break his outward appearance in front of Jupiter. Is dignity with the Village was already shattered, so he knew he couldn't afford to show even the slightest bit of softness lest he be ridiculed for the rest of his life by papa Jupiter.

"Seems you made good on saving the children, Lizard," Jupiter finally spoke, his tone condescending at best, "But I don't see any breeders being brought back."

"It's day one; we aren't guaranteed to find toys for any of us on just the first day."

Jupiter snorted, "I expect you to bring me at least one woman by the end of the week or I'll have your hide… and that of your precious baby's as well." And with those parting words, Papa Jupiter stalked from the room, up the stairs, and into his and Big Mama's bedroom. Only his heavy footfalls betrayed how seriously angry he was at the lack of breeders brought back that first day. His face had been calm and almost sarcastic the entire time.

"Ignore him," Big Mama said as she began wheeling Big Brain into the other room, Cyst following her dutifully. "He just wants to fuck something, and I won't let him do _me _after how he treated you just last week. He's tense."

Lizard was left in the entry way alone with the sleeping red-haired baby. He looked up to where Big Mama had been, "What should I do with the baby?"

"Take care of him, of course," was the only response from the other room.

Oh, lovely.

**SMALL CHILDREN! Yep, how's that for adding family dynamics? Also, there's gonna be some romantic what-nots in the future, but I'm not telling you who it'll be between. You'll just have to keep guessing! I don't mind reviews, guys, since this is me basicly starting over and I want to see where you all stand on my new beginning. Also... do you like the longer sections? I do. ^_^ Until next time!**


	2. A Whole Lotta Cute

**So I told myself I wasn't going to update this very quickly JUST for the express purpose of not bringing up the hopes of readers that quick updates would be normal. But I couldn't help myself. I'm oddly intrigued with the ideas going through my head for this one, and creating family dynamics with very little characterization by the creators in the first place is fun too darn fun! So yeah, this isn't going to be a normal updating schedule for me... but just for this week (WHOOO! WINTER FINALS! .;) I'm happy to be writing and posting a bunch. Hope you guys don't mind the super AU-ness of this. I decided to mess around with how their actual relationships are, in case you didn't notice it in the last chapter, so you can't get upset about me creating my own thing here. ;) Now on to reading, my lovelies!**

_T__hree Years Later…_

"Five… four… three… two… one… ready or not, here comes Uncle Cyst!"

Lizard watched as the four children ran—well, three of them ran around, the fourth being just a little tyke sort of tottered around giggling—trying to find hiding places from 'Uncle Cyst'. Ruby and the girls, now nine and seven years old respectively ran as a trio over to a rusted out hull of a truck and crawled inside. Little Jonathan, suddenly being left alone out in the open with no idea how to hide himself ran to Lizard on the porch of one of the house and crawled into his lap, covering his eyes with his hands. The man tried not to laugh but failed.

Cyst stared at the duo sitting in Big Mama's rocking chair, and Lizard glanced around before grinning at the bigger man. A smile that showed oddly straight and only slightly yellowed teeth was the response as Cyst began saying loudly, "Now… I wonder what happened to those four. Gee, they're sure good at hidin'."

Giggles erupted from the truck shell before they quieted to conspiratorial whispers. Their 'Uncle' walked over near their hiding spot and pretended to be completely stumped, "They's sure good at this hide 'n' seekin'. 'Ey, Lizard! Where'd ya suppose they went runnin' off tah?" The grin on the man's face was contagious for Lizard, and the younger man grinned back.

Little Jonathan uncovered one eye and looked up at Lizard with sadness in his large green eyes, "Don't wanna be it, Lizard."

From the get go, the entire village had insisted that Big Mama and Papa Jupiter be called Ma and Pa by the kids, and everyone else ('cept for little Ruby, who they saw as their sister) Uncles and Aunts. Even the breeders Lizard had caught with the help of Pluto's incredible strength had come to be called Auntie Sue, Auntie Mara, and Uncle Timothy by the kids. Only Lizard was left out, and powers that be help him, he didn't get why the tiniest member of the family refused to call him Uncle. Hell, he'd even go for Aunt Liz if the kid wanted to give him a familial name, but no. The infuriatingly adorable brat seemed to view himself as an equal to Lizard.

He whispered back, "Ya call me yer Uncle, an' I won't give ya away."

The look that came to the munchkin's face angered Lizard more than he wanted to admit. And the response he got was even more annoying, "Not Uncle. You say 'Mama' like me."

Ah, so that was it. The perceptive little shit had noticed that Lizard was rather lax with how he referred to Big Mama and Papa Jupiter, opting for Ma and Pa like the kids. Who could blame him though? They seemed to respond a bit more favorably to the childlike terms, and whenever Lizard was caught trying to sneak into one of the breeder's rooms in the middle of the night (one was supposed to get permission first, but when you need something, you need it), both Jupiter and Big Mama seemed less angry at him over it as of late. Jupiter particularly liked being called Pa by the others… some fraternal shit no doubt.

"Well, if that's how yer gonna be, Jonathan… 'ey, Cyst! I think I found one of 'em!"

Jonathan covered both eyes again, snuggling into Lizards chest like a little ball of heat, his red hair and ratty tee and jeans combo all that was left for the man to see of him as he whispered, "Lizard… Uncle…"

Cyst moved slowly closer, seeing the way Jonathan hated to be the first one found, saying loudly, "I dunno 'bout that, Lizard; I don't see any of 'em anywhere. Ya think they ran off into of them houses?" They exchanged equal grins again over the little boys flaming hair, and Lizard saw three set of eyes peeking from the truck carcass.

"What was that, little'un?"

"Not it… Uncle Lizard…"

"That's my boy," he whispered just loud enough for Jonathan to hear before looking up at Cyst, "Dunno, Cyst. I thought I saw some eyes over in that there truck. Might wanna check 'er out."

As Cyst went limping toward the giggling truck, still exclaiming that he had no idea where any of the children had gone, Lizard received a tug on his vest. He looked down to see those large, brilliantly green eyes looking at him, to which he responded gently, "Whaddya want, kid?"

"Thanks, Lizard," the little tyke said before climbing out of Lizards lap and running off… probably to find a different and less betraying 'hiding spot', which probably meant he was going to run into the communal house in search of Big Mama for a peanut butter sandwich and a story. And once again: Lizard was back to being just plain ol' Lizard, not Uncle Lizard.

"Fuckin' kids," Lizard mumbled before standing up and stretching his arms and legs luxuriantly, "Never shoulda kept the little guys… no matter how cute they look."

'Uncle Timothy', a tall man with platinum blonde hair and a perpetual smile on his damned handsome face (he was the first catch for the purpose of breeders almost two and a half years ago and had adapted to the family much easier than Lizard was comfortable with), emerged from the doorway closest to Lizard, "You don't mean that; you like these kids."

"Shuddup, ya stupid bastard…" he responded half-heartedly, not caring what anyone but Jupiter thought about his going soft for a bunch of parentless brats. Sure, he liked the kids, loved 'em even, but there was no way he'd ever tell a soul. Not even a bleeding breeder, who he felt he could trust in an odd sort of way.

Timothy smirked, leaning against of the support beams that attached the porch floor to the overhanging roof, his arms crossed. Lizard knew the guy was maybe nineteen at the oldest, but he was still imposing, especially when he came and stood so damn close to the mutant. The blond finally looked away from Lizard (who had very resolutely _not _looked back) and watched Cyst limp happily after the little girls scurrying around out in the open, "Well, maybe if you didn't deny it so much, you'd realize that I'm right." That handsome smile widened at the glee on all four faces out in the sun, kicking up dust.

"And maybe if you di'int deny it so much, you'd realize I'm bein' serious when I tell ya to shuddup, blondie. Go fuck one o' the girls if ya got nothin' better ta do," Lizard snorted.

The point of having breeders wasn't so much for the men of Village to get some pussy, as Jupiter had told them _after _they caught the norms— they still used the women for their own pleasure from time to time, but they were for the norms to interbreed a bit and create some more norms to bait people into the heart of the Test Village. Nothing had happened yet… no babies, but there would be. Then there'd be less work for the lot of 'em, and possibly would make for everyone to be a bit happier with each other. Lizard's kids from three years ago had already worked some magic on the family and had made even Big Brain a bit less of a bitch. Only a bit, though. That freak was still one bitter pain in the ass to most everybody but the kids… took after Jupiter with that trait.

"Mm," was Timothy's hummed response, half ignoring Lizards jibes until he turned his smile toward to the grumpy man, "Why don't _you_ fuck one of the girls if you've got nothing better to do? You don't seem to like the kids, so why watch them play with your 'brother' over there?"

Lizard snorted. That stupid pretty boy thought he could talk to his better like that? He had something else coming to his prissy little ass. The shorter, mutated man gripped Timothy by the neck and threw him against the outer wall of the house before pinning him with his face towards the wall and his back against Lizard's chest. Lizard leaned upwards and breathed in the norms ear, one hand on the back of the blonde's neck and the other trailing slowly down to the man's ass, hoping to shock the shit out of him, "How's about I pound yer ass instead, ya little fucker?"

However, it was Lizard who just about shit his pants at the man's murmured statement, probably meant to be quiet enough for Lizard not to hear. But Lizard's time out in the desert with nothing but a gurgling giant baby and near silence, his hearing had improved to something almost super human in quality.

"Finally…"

"What'd you say!" Lizard recoiled, nearly stepping off the porch as he backed up quickly, wiping his hands on his pants and vest, feeling suddenly dirty.

Timothy stayed where he was, his forehead resting against the peeling wood, looking at ease with the situation, and Lizard could almost hear the smile on his face, "Nothing."

The girls and Cyst were still having fun out in the dirt and the sun, laughing as if there was never a care in the world that could intrude on their happiness. At least that was a safe zone for the man. As long as they didn't know what the hell was happening on the porch of the little yellow house, then everything was good. He just hoped they wouldn't notice the tense situation.

"Are you… one o' them homosexuals, Timothy?" Lizard surprised himself at the near gentleness of his tone. Little did the breeder blonde know, but Lizard was far from judging him; he couldn't judge someone when he was willing to fuck just about anything he could get if there weren't readily available women in the Village or nearby. Lizard was far from picky as long as he didn't get hurt by the toy he chose. But why the flying fuck had Timothy seemed so into being overpowered? Bleedin' creeper blonde, that's what this norm was.

Timothy turned to him with a cheeky grin on his face, "And if I was?"

Lizard pulled off his hat and scratched his head as he stared at the man. He glanced at the happy group, forcing his mind wander to what his small ward was doing and what mischief he was getting his tiny little ass into. Surely the little boy was having more fun than Lizard, making the man wish he could trade places just once to see what it felt like to be so careless. Damned lucky kid didn't know what he had. "Ain't gonna judge ya for it, but what the fuck'd you say that for?"

Timothy rolled his blue eyes and clapped Lizard on the shoulder as he walked past him towards the girls and Cyst, "Wouldn't you be happy at the prospect to get a good fuck when you hadn't had any in over two years?" The look on Lizards face caused the blonde to laugh, "I'm not gay for _you_, Lizard… don't you worry your ass over it. I'm just willing to take what I can out here."

And with that, he was gone to visit the girls and join their game (which had seemed to morph into a game of tag) in place of little Jonathan.

"Fuckin' gay… 'magine that," Lizard mumbled to himself, wandering away to go find a certain little ginger boy and whoever he had favored to give his company to. And possibly to find Jupiter to tell him that there was no way they'd get any babies outta Timothy as long as he was some haughty little fudge packer. "Never woulda thought him to be the gay one outta that group we found 'im in!"

Naw, he'd let Jupiter find out about the guy himself… that'd save Timothy from being beaten, that's for sure. Probably'd play it off as infertility or some shit when Jupiter was bound to get in his pretty face, too. No problems for Lizard in the long run and that was how he liked it.

Pluto stood in the shadows of one of the houses, completely still and watching the little girls he cared so much for play with Cyst. He noticed how good the man was with kids and took the time to wonder why he hadn't had kids of his own. There wasn't anything wrong with him after all, just some 'deformities' that made him look a little different from all the norms, and he was really good with animals and children…

When Timothy entered the game, Pluto suddenly became very uncomfortable standing where he was. Something about the pretty norm made Pluto's stomach feel all fluttery, and he wished that he could talk to the norm naturally like all the others did. They would probably have really cool conversations like Lizard had with Goggle from time to time, and they'd be really good friends and take care of the children together like a real family. After all, that Timothy norm was a much prettier girl than the other two.

But the cool conversations were what he wanted the most if he ignored the urge to hug the innards out of the pretty blonde. Conversations like:

"'_Ey, shit breath, ya wanna hear a funny joke?"_

"_Guess so… don'tchya call me shit breath, Lizzy. Ya know I don't eat shit on purpose all the time… an' that one time was by pure acc… accee… mistake."_

"_Whatever. Okay, so howdya know the CIA wasn't involved in that JFK guys murderin'?"_

"_What's the CIA?"_

"_How'm I supposed to know that?"_

"_Yer the one with the joke."_

"_Ah, yeah, go on and ruin the joke, shit breath."_

"_Naw, I'mma still listenin'. Why weren't they involved?"_

"_He's dead, ain't 'e?" _

"_Heh, I guess that ain't bad since it had tah to with dead norms!"_

"_See what I was meanin'? Funny shit!"_

Yeah, conversations like those with the pretty blonde girl would be real nice. Who cared if she didn't have breasts like Lizard seemed so obsessed with? This norm was pretty and Pluto really liked Timothy and her deep voice. It was soothing and not so annoying; and she never cried and screamed like the other girls still did sometimes in their sleep. What were they screamin' about anyway? Nobody was trying to eat them, though they were probably better off as food with how ill-tempered they were toward Pluto. He didn't like the mean girls.

He liked that Timothy girl a lot, though, 'cause she was nice to Pluto.

And she was mighty pretty.

Big Brain sat in the communal house with Big Mama and the little red-headed runt that Lizard had saved a few years before. Though he hadn't let anyone know through words that he liked the little squirt, he wasn't too good with goods and hated hearing himself talk in those horrible sounding gasps, he made sure everyone knew that he liked the kid and the girls. He and his older sisters were three things in the entire Test Village that he hadn't gotten upset at yet, and they always kept him happy with their nonjudgmental norm faces.

The little girls were his favorites if he was to be forced to choose, especially that Kimberly with her nonstop questions and curiosity. She seemed to like Big Brain the most, and liked to sit on his lap whenever they wanted him to tell them a story even though she was starting to be a bit big for it. Those big hazel eyes always smiled up at him as if he was the most interesting person in the Test Village.

"Big Mama… you said that… you… had some… good news that… you wanted… to… share with me… before you told the… others," Big Brain said with a half-smile on his face as watched Jonathan sit on the dusty, stained wooden boards of the living floor, eating a slice of bread with peanut butter spread on top of it. He was managing to get a lot of the peanut butter on the sides of his face, which was rather comical.

"Mmm, that I do. An' I wanna tell everyone else 'bout it, too once dinner time comes 'round. But I thought you might wanna hear it first seein' as you're closest to me, second to Jupe," the large woman responded with a huge, almost dreamy smile on her face as she brushed the hair of her wig with the utmost tenderness and care.

Big Brain laughed breathily, enjoying the pure joy that had come into her countenance at whatever it was she wanted to tell him. And it made him even happier that she wanted to tell _him _first instead of one of those good for nothings she called her sons, or even that tender-hearted man, Cyst, they had adopted into the family as another son to Big Mama about ten years ago. Big Brain felt special and loved… and that was a very good feeling indeed.

"What… is it…?"

"Yer not gonna believe it, Brainy, really, ya won't!"

"Try… me…"

"Well, Jupe an' me 'ave been tryin' for ages to have one more baby, ya know? Since them girls ain't getting' any buns in their oven an' we've been tryin' to get our numbers up 'n' all that."

The wheelchair bound man nodded as best he could when the woman paused, staring at pretty much nothing with that same dreamy smile on her face. Her hand continued to absently guide the old hairbrush through the faux locks in her hand. Big Brain waited and turned his attention briefly to little Jonathan, now done with his bread and peanut butter and staring at Big Mama as if she was telling some grand story. He looked over at Big Brain after a moment and smile brilliantly at him with a wide grin that showed almost all his teeth and his eyes scrunching so far as to seem almost closed. Cute kid. They both looked back to Big Mama.

"Brainy, we've done it! We's gonna be havin' a baby 'round here again!"

For the first time in what felt like ages, Big Brain wished that he could get out of his chair. He wanted to hug Big Mama and dance around the room with all the happiness that swelled inside his heart and body. But the best he could do was slap the armrests of his chair and laugh happily, "Well… congratu… lations, Big Mama…! I'm so happy… for you… and Jupiter. Do you… have any names… picked out yet?"

"Well, we were thinkin' that maybe you could name 'em, Brainy," she said with a loving stare that meant she was dead serious, and that Big Brain better not protest the honor of it, "But ya don't have t' until the baby's born, ya know, so ya got some time to think it over."

"I'd be… glad to… Big Mama… and again, congratuala… tions! This is… wondrous… news for the whole family!"

The two names that immediately came to Big Brains mind were what he hoped would be perfect additions, either one of them, to the family's eclectic titles. Venus and Mercury.

**A list of author's notes! :D**

**#1: I'd love to thank Berry's Ambitions and The Hills Are Watching You for their lovely reviews. You guys really did make my Monday grand! :) **

**#2: Are you guys cool with me introducing 3 more OC's into this? I'm just curious... 'cause I feel it could be a bit risky, but then again, who else could adorable ol' Pluto have a child-like crush on than that 'girl' *gigglesnort* Timothy? **

**#3: VENUS AND MERCURY ARE GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE! Just sayin'.**

**#4: Review please...? I want to know what you guys are thinking when you read this stuff, and I can't if you just read and walk away. :3 Thank you, kindly! **


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